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Still Darkness: The Heart of the Universe.
Once and a while, if I really tune in and tune everything
else out, I can get a vague grasp on God. And in doing that, I am surrounded by the personality of the universe. It feels
still and lonely and dark and warm. It feels like a windy day in a field rimmed with trees with storm clouds gathering overhead.
It feels like nostalgia for time itself. I sense love, but not an omnipotent, creator's love, more like a feeling of sypathy
for kindred souls. I don't think God knows where it came from any more than we do. Why the feeling of a still darkness? Isn't
God supposed to be bright and gaudy in th heavens? Not at all. Because light isn't a natural state. In the spaces between
the galaxies and stars, all is quiet and dark. And that is the natural state of the universe. I think the reason so many different
cultures thought up the idea of a "God", is because it sometimes seems so painfully obvious at times. When I look at a telescope
picture or up at the stars, or at the setting sun or the moon in night or day, one thing is clear to me: Space is not apathetic.
It has a feel and personality all it's own. But this is not a human personality, it couldn't be. I do not know it personally,
and cannot. All I know is how it makes me feel. It makes me feel small and complete and like I'm looking up into that still
darkness and seeing infinity laid out before my eyes. It makes me feel as if my life itself truly belongs to that still darkness.
I came from it and will return to it, because it is our true world. When we cross into it, we don't lose our personality or
our ability to think, those things just become... Nonhuman. We will no longer think with human minds. We don't know how we'll
think. That's why dying is scary. But I don't think I'm afraid of my own death anymore. Because I've felt the heart of the
universe there in that still darkness, I know that there must be something else. What will myself as a nonhuman entity be
like? If I could sense that now, how would it make me feel? All I know is that it is my true nature. But, until that moment,
I will look deep into that vast darkness beyond out tiny sphere, it's still, dark perfection made even more beautiful by the
lights that marr it. Space: The Lonley Utopia. A beautiful world of dust, light, and tiny, wandering spheres. It is more similar
to the internal world of the mind than anything on earth. A world without light and gravity where you, the tiny sphere of
consiousness, wander without end through the lights of birth and death. Space is beautiful. And, filling and suffusing that
still darkness, that lonley utopia, is the heart of the universe. A lonley entity who created life so such a thing as a kindred
soul could exist for it. Is God still lonely? Do we matter to it? Surely we do. The proof of God's love is that God would
rather have life than none at all in the universe. And that there are multiple lifeforms. Instead of creating a single living
entity, God allowed life to grow on it's own so we wouldn't have to be lonely, either. So we would have other humans to ease
our lonely hearts and understand how wel feel about our own uncertain and temporary existance. So we wouldn't be alone as
our tiny, fragile sphere as it contines it's slow and silent flight, solemly following the Music of the Spheres for all eternity.
And we, the beings once trapped on it indefinately, are working and waiting for the day when we will map out own course in
that still yet glittering darkness. Like a child becoming an adult, we take out first steps into the lonely utopia beyond.
And God said that it was good...
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